Mickey Unrapped

Vintage SMC: The sweet, sweet sounds of Mickey Unrapped

Some memories are best left alone. If I wasn’t so addicted to reliving the memories I have buried deep in my subconscious, Disney’s Mickey Unrapped could still be a great album. Heck, Animaniacs could still be hilarious. Unfortunately, my inner child can’t let that happen. I have to know if something’s still good. I usually call this rewatchablilty, seeing as how most of these feelings involve television shows or movies. In this case, you could call it…relistenability…er…well you know.

I loved Mickey Unrapped when I was nine. Nineteen ninety-four was a good year for kids. A prequel, if you will, to the treasure chest that was 1995. I loved everything Disney and I didn’t care if I was succumbing to their corporate branding schemes. In my mind, Mickey Mouse must have felt the need to record a rap cd with all his friends and, by golly, I would be there to support him.

I fondly remember going to Wal-Mart and buying the cassette. This was back in the day when Disney cassettes came packaged in those big thick plastic things that you had to get hedge trimmers to get past the first half inch, and then the rest would just fall apart. Over time I lost the tape, but I was lucky enough to snag a copy (a compact disc!) on ebay for ten cents, sealed and all. Wow, I would get to open Mickey Unrapped again!

Is a Mickey rap cd necessary? Who’s idea was it? In the real world, this idea would originate in some boardroom with a bunch of boring businessmen in suits, but in my nine-year old mind, Walt Disney was still alive somewhere and it had to have been his idea. Or Mickey’s. So was ‘ol Walt a hip-hopper? Here’s one of my adolescent interpretations of how this cd was born.

There you have it. Now, let’s get on with the album itself. How does it stand the test of time?

TRACK ONE: “ICE ICE MICKEY”

Right off the bat this album is confusing. I expected, even after twelve years, to hear the familiar bass line from “Ice Ice Baby” (or rather from “Under Pressure”), but alas, it’s nowhere to be found. Most likely, Disney couldn’t get the rights to the original song, and knowing how dumb kids are, went ahead with the song. Not that it matters too much though, the song would still just be one big pun. Apparetnly Disney thinks the word “cool” was invented by rappers and hasn’t been around since the fifties. Somewhere The Fonze is rolling in his grave. (I know) I don’t even want to count the number of times Mickey jokingly raps that he’s “so cool he’s co-co-cold!”

Once, twice, thrice, nice like ice/The beat is the best when you sing it with the mice

TRACK TWO: “MINNIE MOUSE IN THE HOUSE”

I have to admit, this one is kinda catchy. The concept of a whole song about how cool Minnie Mouse is kind of creeps me out though. Was it designed to appeal to boys? If so it shouldn’t have been. Do the girls care how cool Minnie is? Oh well. Once again, this track was written by either a calculator or a really weird kid, like the one in your English class who was always drawing pictures of Lola Bunny.

Now Minnie’s here and it’s a mouse house party/ Go tell it to Michael and Mona and Marty/ Gonna twirl, gonna swire, and ride the groove/ And when you see her you got to… MOVE!

TRACK THREE: “WHOOMP! (THERE IT WENT) (FEATURING TAG TEAM)

I hate using the term sell out, but wow. Tag Team not only agreed to let Disney spoof their song, but they perform on it too? You never saw Michael Jackson performing with Weird Al.

TRACK FOUR: “WHATTA MOUSE”

Take track two, make it about Mickey instead of Minnie, add a dash of Salt ‘n Pepa, and bam! Instant classic! Minnie Mouse “raps” about how faithful Mickey is to her and how he’s completely perfect in every way and how we should all feel like terrible people because we are not Mickey Mouse.

And yes he’s got what I want from A to Z/ He says I drive him crazy/ And he knows that my name is not Daisy.

Hmm.

TRACK FIVE: “BOWWOW TO THE BEAT (FEATURING WHOOPI GOLDBERG)

Apparently Whoopi goldberg knows rap, and she doesn’t even have to rap to prove it! Instead, she’s gonna talk reaaaal smooooth. About Pluto. And bark. This cd is getting old fast.

Dogs are cool. Dogs are good/ Would ya like to be a dog? I thought you would.

I wanna be a dog soooo bad…I could just shoot someone! Right Walt?

TRACK SIX: “DJ GOOF”

I don’t ever remember Goofy graduating from R.A.P. University, but I guess I could’ve missed that one. I wonder what R.A.P. University stands for anyway. Really Annoying Production? (I could’ve sworn obnoxious started with an A, sorry) Anyway, if PUN is the word in Mickey Unrapped, this song takes the cake. This track could have been called “Goofy misspells various forms of DJ, hilarity ensues.”

TRACK SEVEN: “DUCKS IN THE HOOD”

Heuy, Dewie, and Leuy are “on the run” and are apparently very dangerous. This track makes me mad because I still love Ductales furiously and I don’t want anything crapping on those memories, especially not the voice actors themselves. You hear that VOICE ACTOR?

TRACK EIGHT: “M.C. MICKEY”

M.C. M-I-C-K-E-Y. on the M-I-C

That about sums it up.

TRACK NINE: “U CAN’T BOTCH THIS”

Disney assumes not only do kids know what the word botch means, but use it/hear it enough to warrant making it the title of the most recognizable song on the album. But then again, nothing really rhymes with touch. All in all this is actually a semi-entertaining song. The things Goofy does (botches) are silly enough that you forget you’re listening to a Mickey rap cd.

TRACK TEN: “LITTLE RED RAPPINGHOOD”

he talks a lot, we get it. They were scraping the barrell with this one.

TRACK ELEVEN: “MICKEY MOUSE CLUB MIX”

A for effort. Does it really matter anymore?

TRACK TWELVE: “THE COLOR OF MUSIC (FEATURING COLOR ME BAD)

Finally, something pleasing to the ears. Just sit back, close your eyes, don’t listen to the words, and it kind of seems like real music. That’s a start!

Well, I wish I could just give you all the mp3s of these songs so you could hear for yourself, but Disney probably wouldn’t like that too much. Not that Disney would like seeing a gun in Walt’s hand, but oh well.

Just think, if they could have waited a year we could have had Goofy’s Paradise (Featuring Coolio).

-Tommy