Cool Stuff: TMNT Valentine Candy Card Kit

Posted 7 years ago by Stuff

TMNT Valentine Candy Card Kit

While waiting for drugs at my local Meijer today (I got a wisdom tooth pulled, yay), I spotted these nifty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Valentines. Ever since Christmas was over and Valentine’s Day stuff started creeping it’s way into stores, I’d been wondering if Nickelodeon would be making any of the Turtle variety this year. Well, they are!

I threw this in my cart (along with some Mutagen Ooze, more on that later) without really reading the box, because Turtles! When I got it home I realized it was a Valentine Candy Card Kit. I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, so I cracked it open.

TMNT Valentine Candy Card Kit

Some assembly required. The box contains a big bag of heart suckers and a stack of cards crudely taped together. The suckers look pretty standard. I haven’t tried one yet because I’m on a liquid and pills diet for a couple days. Anyway, I was a bit disappointed with the Valentines themselves. I was thinking about the awesome cardboard cards I had as a kid, and I also expected there to be more than four different card designs.

Nope, just four Turtle cards. I wanted some Shredder, Dogpound, and Fishface cards too, but oh well. I’m just a weird guy buying these for the hell of it, which is hardly their target market.

TMNT Valentine Candy Card Kit

The weird thing is that Leonardo (many kids’ favorite Turtle) is only on one card, and it’s a Way to Lead, Teacher! card reserved for the teacher. Ten year old me would have been pissed about that. I would have wanted to give Leo to my buddies, not my teacher.

Also, when I was a kid, Valentine’s Day cards (even licensed ones) at least had a little Valentine’s Day flair. There might be one card in your Space Jam set with Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny that had a mildly suggestive message on it, and you would always reserve that one for the girl you thought was cute. Be Mine, or You’re a Slam Dunk or something like that. The cards with boring messages like Super Cool! or I Tolerate Being Around You would be saved for the kids you didn’t like much.

These TMNT Valentine’s are pretty boring. What would the girl you like think if you called her buddy or randomly told her Awesome Ninja Power!. This makes me wonder if it’s a trend. I think I’ll go back to the store and buy the Avengers, Batman, Spongebob, and Charlie Brown cards I saw to see if they have any better messages on them.

Until then, Awesome Ninja Power to you all!

  • Who remembers these awesome Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers cards? I do!

  • You know, this’ll be something like the first year in 10 years I won’t have anyone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. Which sucks because there’s nothing I want more than some guy who is awesome enough to woo me with TMNT Valentine’s Day cards.

    But you’re right, these are pretty disappointing. Even Raph’s card is…weird. I mean what the hell does “Valentine Hero” even mean?

    • I don’t know how much wooing could be done with these cards anyway.

    • It means he’s the hero of Valentine’s Day! What about that don’t you get? (I really have no idea)

  • the pizza

    Thank god there’s nothing so mind-meltingly awesome in that Valentine’s kit that I would be forced to buy it and hoard it for the next fifty years of my life. Thanks for taking one for the team. I’ll be satisfied with the early 90s box of Valentine’s I have that I’m currently condemned to hoarding for fifty years.

    • I’m still hanging on to mine too!

    • Yeah, my first thought was that I wished I had some retro TMNT Valentine’s instead.

      If they come out with a new TMNT cereal though, I’ll be hoarding the shit out of that.

      • the pizza

        yeah I’m fully prepared to lose my mind over whatever food tie-ins they come out with.

        • Yeah same here, dude. I’m all in.

        • Oh man, what if they brought back Turtle Pies?