Back in 1999 when Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace came out, I really wanted to like. And I did like it at first blush. I’m sure seeing my beloved Star Wars universe back on the big screen played into my initial embrace of the prequel.

Just as the hate slowly grew in Anakin Skywalker as he turned toward the Dark Side, so too did my resentment for The Phantom Menace. The film had so much promise. Many of the right pieces were there: a spry Obi-wan and Yoda, glimpses of R2-D2 and C-3PO, a bad-ass villain with a double light saber, the exciting podracing.

For all the fun elements, there were numerous pieces that pulled it down: that whiney kid Anakin, the stale Queen Amidala, slapstick courtesy of Jar Jar Binks, the overly political storyline… I could go on. (See Red Letter Media’s thorough review if you need more examples.)

The film resurfaces this weekend in 3D. As if three dimensions could shine that turd into something worth seeing. Instead of spending an ungodly amount on premium, 3D movie tickets, I have a few Star Wars-related alternatives for you.
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