Presidential Madden: The First Quarter

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Presidential Madden: The First Quarter

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the First Quarter of Presidential Madden, where I’ll explain the tenures and personalities of our first fifteen American Presidents. I hope you all enjoy reading it, but remember: no debates or arguing! All of the things I have presented below are not subject to interpretation, as they are all literal fact, in many cases shot in real time, one take, one camera.

Take a look at the Welcome Post to get a refresher on the Ratings used for each President.

George Washington

George Washington

Virginia, Unaligned, 1789-1797
Vox: The booming laugh of two boulders colliding together to form Mount Rushmore

George Washington, our first President, is difficult to assign ratings too due mostly to the legend surrounding him. All signs say that he was an efficient, task-oriented leader, a tall handsome man with a rugged physique, and above all, a figurehead for a fledgling nation in need of a sort of invincible figure to don the ceremonial Stars-and-Stripes armor of the U.S. and whip that vibranium shield around some. In war, Washington was absolutely unfuckwithable, (I did not make this word up; you shouldn’t end sentences or clauses with prepositions) single-handedly killing a number of men I cannot legally or mathematically declare in this essay. In peace, whenever he wanted to have sex with something, it generally wanted to have sex with him back, and I think that is the finest testament to this American hero.
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Presidential Madden: Preview and Mission Statement

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Presidential Madden

Hello, readers, and welcome to Presidential Madden, a little labor of love I cooked up in response to my declaration that Mitt Romney was 74 Overall. Before I actually go about listing the roster of Presidents and their respective ratings, I need to clear up a few things, namely, an introduction for myself and the ratings I will be using. 

I am John Risley, a twenty-seven-year-old Independent with Libertarian leanings. I was a History major in college, and have always loved the study. Since I vote Libertarian, you can be assured that I am not playing favorites with these Presidents based on my political leanings, as I would not have voted for any of them. Besides, there are plenty of good Presidents with bad ratings, and vice versa. It is important to remember that this will be hilarious and diverting, and you WILL disagree with many of the points presented, and the ratings attached to them.
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