Top Hat Sasquatch

Monster House Needs a Toy Line!

November 5th, 2006 by Tommy Day

Ok I’m definitely coming close to obsession with this summer’s Monster House. I went to see it (on my birthday) back in July expecting just another Not-Pixar-So-Therefore-Crap computer animated movie. Boy was I surprised. The humor, sense of childlike adventure, and even the music all seem like they were ripped right out of the great 80s movies of the same genre. It reminded me a lot of films like The Goonies and even the terrible Goosebumps books (but in a good way, I promise). The writing is witty and does what a lot of Hollywood movies about kids never do, it makes them sound like real kids. It’s filled with great characters supplied with great voices, from Fred Williard to Jason Lee to John Heder. Anyway, if you haven’t seen it, I suggest buying it right away, no regrets.

The absolute biggest disappointment of the summer for me was the fact there was no toy line to accompany Monster House. I was thinking about it the other day, and these toys could have been amazingly fun. I’m hoping that MH attains cult status in the next few years and garners a toy line sometime in the future, and to aid in this effort, I’m laying out the whole line. Listen up toy companies!

We’ll start with the figures.

1. DJ – The hero of the film, DJ could come with a Super Soaker, his stuffed bunny, and his telescope.

2. Chowder – Chowder’s the self-proclaimed screw-up of the film. His accessories would have to be his new basketball and his Halloween mask.

3. Jenny – Introduced selling emergency Halloween candy door-to-door, she would have to come with a wagon full of treats.

4. Nebbercracker – The crotchety old man from across the street could come with dynamtie, a picture of his dead wife, and various toys he stole from the children.

5. Mom and Dad 2 Pack – The awkward dentist parents are only in the film for about two minutes, but would make a great addition to the toy line. They could come with the giant toothbrush and incisor they were taking to the convention.

6. Elizabeth (or Z) – The babysitter, she could come with a Skull and Bonez deme cassette tape.

7. Bones – Z’s loser boyfriend, he would include a beer bottle and his awesome kite. Awesome kite.

8. Skull – The geek prophet delivery boy from the Game Zone, he would come with a pizza box, mustache, zits, and delivery hat.

9. Officers Landers and Lister 2 Pack – Two more minor characters that made the most of their limited screen time, they could come with their guns, a megaphone and bottles of cold medicine.

You couldn’t have a Monster House toy line without the granddaddy of all playsets, the Monster House. It would preferably be huge and expensive, around $50, and could morph from regular looking house to pissed off possessed house. To make it worth the money, you could throw in some exclusive figures too, let’s say the cute little girl on the tricycle and Constance before she bit the dust.

Well, if these came out I know I would have them all, but that’s not saying much. I just put up a Monster House poster today.

Seriously though, if you haven’t seen this movie get it.

Written by Tommy Day | Website | Twitter

Tommy is a freelance web designer/developer living in Indianapolis who enjoys blogging, playing video games, and writing about himself in the third person.